I feel as if I awoke in a gentler time
People dressed in clothes that come from a distant past.
In a town were culture meets old time country values
Everyone moving to a different yet gentle beat of their own.

Friendly yet guarded, the youth never quite looking your way
In fear of a connection in an over stimulated society.
Mothers and fathers protecting their young
Exposing them only to what they hope will carry them through to adult hood, but never quite sure.

Oh but the proud people of age - now that is another story
Staring you right in the eye, smiling with a taunting glimmer
For they know what you're thinking - laughing at the thought
That we might know what is to come.

Big or small, white or black, the flow of life in this quiet town
Moves just like the falling leaves on a cold chilled night in November
Set adrift by the loving warmth of the tall oak ready for its long winter sleep
Ah yes, the life in a small town.

Now that I look back at how my life started in this town
I wonder if I made the right choice.
The fear of the past haunting me like an unseen ghost
In the old brick houses standing dark and broken, not unlike the lives I have touched.

For the fractured mind I live with
Is this small town to save me from myself and the demons within?
Will this be the time that my life will calm to a pace of less confusion?

The cool mornings in the garden, working the soil
Keeping my mind clear of worry
The warm afternoons sipping tea on the porch
Writing long stories of the constant state of motion and confusion.

Ah yes, the evenings as the cool breeze returns
To comfort my soul after a long summer day of reflection.
Will this place keep me from hurting others?

My constant fear, the inability to control this unfocused mind
Keeps me from living but what is living?
Am I not a mother? Am I not a wife?
What is living to me?

What have I accomplished? Where have I been? Where am I going?
As I thirst for knowledge, for a moment of escape
The reflection in the mirror my eyes tired, helpless and wonder.

I just keep looking.

Sitting again thinking what is to come
Who will I be when this is all done?

Happy and sad never quite sure
One day at a time is the all mighty word.

Minute by minute I watch what I say
Second by second my thoughts run away.

Not knowing who I am at such a strange age
It is never too late - at least that's what they say.

Waking to the sound of a street car outside the window
People walking on the streets right outside the door
Feeling their way to their next destination.

Life in the city is so different than that
Of the small towns surrounding this vast metropolis.

I teeter back and forth on where it is I belong.
I love the quiet solitude of life in my small town
When all you hear are the sounds of birds and occasional dogs barking in the distance.

When I’m submerged in city life
The hustle and bustle of cars and people
Bring energy and curiosity
It is so overwhelming.

The unfamiliar, my need to explore this noise
This over the top vibration
That rattles the streets and old giant buildings from long ago.

People - they will stare? Will I be safe?
The pain of the anxiety constricts every muscle
Until I am frozen, unable to move from my seat.

This is life and I am afraid to live it!
My mind charges and exhaustion sets in.
I go nowhere and life
And around me it goes on.

What makes a person feel it’s ok
To take another and throw them away?

What makes a person full of love, hate and pain
Act on the notion of running away?

What in a lifetime can cause such disdain
Leaving you broken and wrenching with pain?

What are the moments that lead to this time
When everyone around you must bow to your mind?

Left in our anguish to wither away
Life all around me has drifted away.

Sleep is the answer or is it a pill?
One that is peppered and harder to swill.

Life as I live it is harder each day
Just for one moment I wish I could play.

Left to my vices I drown in self pity
Life away, life away I’m just being silly.